


Merkin Munchkin

by Lakritzwolf



Category: Being Human (UK), The Almighty Johnsons
Genre: Gen, M/M, drunk bets gone wrong, merkins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-06 02:31:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10323587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lakritzwolf/pseuds/Lakritzwolf
Summary: Don't make bets when you're inebriated, even when it's not Mike, and don't make bets when people around are you already snickering. But Axl has never been the sharpest knife in the drawer...





	

**Author's Note:**

> A friend send this to me and told me: Make this into a fic. 
> 
> And then this happened.

All eyes were on the door when it opened and the youngest Johnson stepped in. Axl looked around with a glum pout and headed for the bar.

“A beer?” Mike asked brightly.  
Axl hummed something affirmative and took the bottle.

“Hey bro,” Ty said as he sat down next to him. “What happened?”  
“Very funny.”  
Ty frowned. “What? I didn’t say anything! You look as if you just stepped barefoot into a turd because you’re walking really funny, and I asked what’s wrong.”  
The other Johnsons snickered and Axl took a sip of beer. “Guess you haven’t heard yet?”  
“Heard what?”

The other Johnsons snickered even louder, and Olaf was quite obviously hard pressed to keep himself together.

“About the bet,” Axl said through gritted teeth.  
Ty leaned back. “What... bet?” He asked cautiously.

“You know Friday night, when we met here and you couldn’t come because Dawnsie sprained her ankle?” Anders asked him.  
“Yeah... what happened?”

_Anders kept staring at his watch until Olaf nudged him in the ribs. “Hey, is John not coming?”_   
_“He should be here by now.”_   
_“Who’s John?” Axl asked with a puzzled frown._

_Anders, Mike and Olaf slowly turned their heads and looked at him._

_“What colour has the sky on the planet you live on, Axl?” Anders put his bottle down. “Oh right... new girlfriend.”_   
_Axl crossed his arms. “But who is he?”_

_Olaf slapped Anders’ shoulder and the latter swayed a bit under the impact and swatted Olaf’s hand away again._

_“John,” Olaf said pointedly. “John is Anders’ boyfriend.”_   
_Axl snorted. “Pull the other one, it’s got bells on.”_   
_“Seriously.” Olaf nodded. “They’re an item.”_   
_“Come on!” Axl took a sip of beer. “Anders is the straightest guy in town!”_   
_“Wrong,” Olaf said._

_Axl looked at Anders. “What the fuck?”_   
_“Not the straightest guy in town.” Anders shrugged. “Nobody’s business I actually swing both ways, but when John came along... well.” He winked. “What can a man do when he’s presented with such a gorgeous piece of ass?”_

_Axl made a gagging noise and looked at Olaf again. “Okay, that’s hilarious. Anders and a guy?”_   
_“Don’t believe that?” Olaf shrugged. “I had a hard time at first but...”_   
_Axl lifted his eyebrows. “I have no idea what you’re trying to pull off here, but it doesn’t work.”_   
_“You don’t believe Anders could have a boyfriend?”_   
_“He never even had a girlfriend!” Axl threw up his hands and dropped them again. “He had five different flings a week, so why the everliving fuck would he suddenly be in a committed relationship, and with a guy on top of that?”_

_“Love,” Olaf said slowly. “Is a powerful force.”_   
_“Oh go fuck yourself.”_   
_“Axl,” Olaf replied with a sigh. “We are seriously not trying to pull your leg here...”_   
_“Like fuck you do!”_   
_“Wanna bet?” Olaf asked._   
_“What?”_   
_“Bet.” Olaf said again. “Anders has a boyfriend. Loser waxes his pubes.”_

_Axl shook his head. “I don’t know what you’re driving at. But deal. Loser waxes his pubes.”_

_They shook hands._

_If Axl hadn’t had a few beers already he might have become suspicious at this point. The other Johnsons were rubbing their hands and Anders looked at his watch again._

_The door opened as if on cue and a tall, lean and muscular man with a mane of wild black curls stormed in._

_“Hey babe,” he said to Anders as he walked past the bar. “Sorry I’m late, my colleague was sick and I had to...”_

_He looked around because everyone was laughing, but no one was looking at him._

_Axl stared at him with his mouth hanging open and the empty bottle slid out of his hand._

_“John?” Axl asked, and he didn’t only look but sounded like an idiot as well._   
_“The very same,” the tall, dark and handsome stranger said and bent down to pick up the bottle. “You dropped something, mate.”_

_“John, that’s Axl,” Anders said and slung one arm around his hips. “He’s been living on another planet these last few weeks because he has a new girlfriend, hence him being unawares of me having a new boyfriend.”_   
_“Oh.” John grinned at Axl and waved. “Hi Axl.”_   
_“Hi.” Axl finally took the bottle again and plonked it down on the counter. “Oh for fuck’s sake.”_

_“Okay Axl. It’s the ouchies for you,” Anders said smugly, and behind him, Olaf totally lost his shit. He guffawed so hard he doubled over._

_John looked beyond puzzled. “Ouchies?”_   
_“Don’t make bets when you’re drunk,” Anders said and gestured with his bottle at Axl. “Or you have to wax your crotch.”_   
_“My...? Oh.” John looked at Axl again. “Oh shit.”_

_He tried. He really did. He lasted for all of three seconds before he burst out laughing as well.  
_

Ty had been about to take a sip and now his bottle hovered in mid-air as he ogled at his younger brother.

“Seriously?”  
Axl grumbled something and stared at the table top.  
Ty could barely suppress a snort. “Seriously?”  
Axl knocked back his bottle.

Ty took a sip of beer and tried to keep a straight face. Olaf had by now given up on that, and while Anders wasn’t laughing, he was grinning like a Cheshire cat. Mike was busy wiping glasses, but he couldn’t keep his face under control either.

“And... so, you lost.”  
Axl took a sip of beer and glared at the table.

Ty looked up at Anders, Anders saluted him with his bottle, Olaf was almost choking with laughter and Mike opened a bottle as well with a grin that matched Anders’. Ty cleared his throat again and had to give up.

While Axl glared at the table as if he wanted to set it on fire, the other Johnsons erupted into a fit of dirty, gleeful snickering.

“So...” Anders took a sip of beer with as smirk. “Did it hurt?”  
“Fuck off.”  
“Come on, I was just asking!”  
Axl seemed disinclined to reveal any details.

“But seriously, Axl...” Ty asked after a large sip of his beer. “What does Sheila say?”  
“She laughed.” Axl finally looked up. “She laughed so hard she fell out of the bed, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have sex with her again because by now she already laughs whenever she sees me!”

“Oh Axl...” Olaf had finally sat up again. “Axl, Axl, Axl...”  
“Yeah, it’s so fucking hilarious.”  
“You really should take it with a bit more grace,” Olaf said. “You know that the laugh is always on the...”  
“I get it!”

“Hey, bro,” Anders said now and put his empty bottle down. “I got something for you.”

Axl gave him a distrustful glare. Anders winked at him and left the bar, and came back a few moments later, jingling his car keys in one hand and with an envelope in the other. He dropped this onto the table in front of his brother and leaned against the bar again.

Axl’s stare became even more distrustful as he took the envelope. He opened it, pulled a flat package out and within a second, his face had taken on a colour that suggested imminent thermonuclear explosion.

“You FUCKER!” He threw the package at Anders, but seeing as it was hardly more than a sheet in plastic wrapping, it sailed more than it flew and gently came to rest on the floor at Anders’ feet, visible for everyone.

It took them a second or two to realise what they were seeing. Then they collectively erupted into howling laughter.

“That is what I get for a well meant gift?” Anders managed to ask after he had calmed down somewhat. “I wanted to do you a favour!”  
“Fuck off.”  
“And you know...”  
“Fuck off!”  
“Sheila might enjoy this...”  
“FUCK OFF AND DIE!”

Now Olaf got up and picked the package up with a thoughtful frown. “You’d look smashing with the ginger,” he said.

Axl slammed his hand onto the table, got up so fast that his chair toppled over and stormed out of the bar, accompanied by the snickers and laughter of his brothers and Olaf.

“Maybe you could use a few on your head?” Anders offered.  
Olaf gave him a look of deep hurt and betrayal. “That wasn’t very nice.”  
“Just trying to help.”  
“That really hurt, you know?”  
“Aw... I’m sorry.” Anders’ grin belied his words. “But at least you didn’t have to get waxed first.”

That set them off again, and after they had calmed down, Mike produced another round of beer. Axl would never, ever hear the end of this.

On his way home, Anders made a detour and dropped the package into Axl’s mailbox. Sheila had moved in with him and Zeb and there was a good chance that either she or Zeb would empty the mailbox tomorrow.

He had been sorely tempted to write _Merkin Munchkin_ onto the envelope, but even Anders Johnson knew where to draw the line.

With a smirk he adjusted his tie with a twitch of his head and got back into the car.


End file.
